Loss of Self, Loss of Meaning . . .
As the action figure Tony, I look at the world, the sky above, the earth below, sidewalks, buildings, pedestrians, cars, trains and planes coming and going, and everywhere, invisible empty space contains it all.
I seem surrounded by spacious emptiness. I (action-figure Tony) walk from here to there through emptiness. And at the macro level, earth, moon, planets, solar system, stars, galaxies all exist within emptiness. And at the micro level of the very, very small, atoms and sub-atomic particles, emptiness is ever present.
Emptiness penetrates action-figure Tony as if he weren't there, moving, non-moving, through him effortlessly . . . as effortlessly as Tony seems to move through it, inhaling emptiness, exhaling emptiness with every breath and step.
And in this recognition (spaciousness of spaciousness, emptiness of emptiness, awareness of awareness) something apparently happens . . . a dissolving of self, a relinquishing of personal identity. And feelings of "missing", "sadness", "poignancy", "fear" even, arise one after the other at the tectonic realization of loss of self, loss of meaning.
Who or what experiences this "loss"? Not awareness. Not emptiness. Not spaciousness. It is evaporating "self" telling itself the story of Loss that senses something amiss (the disintegration of a non-existent thing).
Without a breathing living sense of separate "self" and the continual stories detailing "me" and "my life", I am without memory, without meaning, without humanity. I am No one. I am Nothing. This is so . . .
I am dissolving. . . right in front of my lying eyes . . .